As you already know, being an introvert can be difficult, especially when you’re immersed in a busy, fast-paced culture. So when the biggest entertainer of our generation drops her long-awaited album with no promotion, no hints, NOTHING, it sends the world in a frenzy.
You want to enjoy the album in peace, and that’s no easy task. We bring you the introvert’s guide to listening to “Beyonce.”
Stay off ALL social media.
Don’t scroll through your timelines or news feeds. EVERYONE and they mama will be talking about it ad nauseam, and probably before they even listened to half the album. You’re guaranteed to get a whole bunch of critiques, lyrics quotations, and memes before you even press play. Just don’t do it.
Just stay off the Internet all together, since everyone is saying she broke it and all.
I think beyonce just broke the Internet—
Pete Wentz (@petewentz) December 13, 2013
Beyonce gone an broke the Internet—
Tatdevil (@saraedgex) December 13, 2013
Beyoncé just dropped an album at midnight and broke the internet.—
Chris (@CP93) December 13, 2013
Which is very interesting since EVERYONE tweeted it. We’re just sayin’.
Don’t talk about it with people you shouldn’t.
We all know there are certain people you can’t talk to about certain things. Beyonce stans are one of them. Avoid all talk, all eye contact, because they will prattle on with incessant “Yasssssssss”es and enough “work, b*tch!” to make you want to flip a table. If you want to talk about it, scout out your friends who like Beyonce just enough to have an unbiased opinion. That way, you’ll get a better discussion about the awesome album.
Wear big headphones.
I’m talking about the noise-canceling, monstrous headphones that keep you in a bubble so you won’t hear anyone else listening to the album around you. That way when you have “Partition” on replay, no one will get annoyed by you AND you won’t anyone else’s play by play either.
And when it’s safe to come out…
… since excitement nowadays lasts fornever (so that’s what, a week?), try and engage. By now you should have gotten enough alone time with the album; you’re ready for engagement. Just give the signal (we think it’s a kaw-kaw of some kind), and people will respond. It’s that easy!
Just save this guide when anything Beyonce related is released. You’ll thank us!
Ariel Cherie has been an introvert since ’85. Follow her on Twitter @arielcherie.