By now we’ve all seen Lindsay Lohan’s eHarmony spoof on Funny or Die (if not, check above). Since Li-Lo’s out looking for love (or whatever she equates it to be) we here GIANT decided to play cupid and line up a spring fling for our favorite mean girl. See our match ups below.
Sure, Brandy’s little brother is a herb, but he did bag and bang Kim Kardashian before Reggie Bush (he has video to back it up), and his reality show, For the Love of Ray-J essentially crushed all of VH1’s previous reality show premiers. Lindsay could benefit from Ray-J’s idiot savant approach to getting positive press, without having any hits. Hopefully they won’t film their after hours escapades.
Like Lindsay, Kanye West‘s ex-girlfriend knows how to play both sides of the fence. But much like Linsday’s career, the Li-Rose romance would probably start off sweet, be loved the paparazzi and somehow (we’re thinking drugs and alcohol) end in a melting ball of fire. Fish sticks, anyone?
Somehow Fez has managed to make himself the Warren Beatty of young Hollywood but without any of the acting skill. As Lindsay’s first boyfriend during her brief Disney years and into the world of “serious acting,” we think that he would be the perfect rebound for her. Think about it: He’s got the appeal of an Axe Body Spray commercial, knows Venom and has some serious money. “$1,000 cash money,” in fact.
Currently serving as President Obama‘s Deputy Political Director, Love knows how to handle a crisis. After all, he’s aiding not only the President, but also the nation’, first black president. Talk about grace under fire. Given Love’s natural ability to handle a high-stress environment, we’re sure that he’d be able to deal with Li-Lo’s erratic driving and narcotics fueled temper tantrums. Plus, when if things go south, he could call in the Secret Service. That’s way more hardcore than any restraining order.
Madge is back on the market (again) and clearly has her motherly instincts in check. Which is good, since Lindsay’s desperately in need of an attentive mother figure (that’s a direct jab at Dina. Take that, take that, take that). It reeks of Oedipus (with a feminine twist!), but seeing as to how Lindsay went from being a Disney kid to a rail-thin druggie and then paparazzi fodder, Madonna and Lindsay dating doesn’t seem that reasonable. They could even dub themselves The Material Girls.