Soulja Boy, Celebrity Buffoon

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    Soulja Boy has officially joined the ranks of celebrity-related buffoonery; not that that’s out of character (see Exhibit A here), but with his recent self-promotion in self-indulgent spending, one can only wonder what goes on in the minds of unjustifiably successful artists when they purchase pendants worth a thousand words.

    Yesterday, the prepubescent one five-hit wonder—you know you still have your fingers crossed—released a YouTube video, aptly titled “Rich Nigga Shit.” Apparently, this is the sixth installment of the web series, but we couldn’t bring ourselves to be schooled by a “Bird Walk”-ing teenager long enough to watch the others. Chalk it up to envy. The video debuts to a baffled audience—made up of you, me, and the rest of a struggling society amidst a severe economic downturn—his newly-acquired Black Diamond-Encrusted Remote Control Lamborghini Chain. Read it twice for full effect. It matches his actual black Lamborghini, so that when he’s not driving around in the luxury vehicle, and begins to freak out, wondering if he’ll ever amount to anything more than a scrawny kid with bad acne and a dream, he can look down at his chain, and realize…no, he won’t.

    We can’t fault him for his behavior, however, because when elders speak, we’re to follow their lead, right? A few months ago, T-Pain released a photo showcasing his 10lb., 197kts big ass chain. And that’s not irony. If viewers found themselves having trouble identifying the monstrosity dangling from his neck, they could confidently fall back on their long-gone comprehension skills as a fifth-grade reader to help decipher. It simply reads, “Big Ass Chain,” a meaningful statement if there ever was one. It’s a good thing the Auto-Tune King didn’t use this fantastic marketing opportunity to “Save Darfur” or “Go Green,” because this makes way more sense. Plus, it’s trendy. And that’s what really matters.

    t-pains-big-ass-chain

    Lastly, our favorite (that’s subjective) R&B singer Chris Brown made a few teeny-bopping TRL-er’s question why they forgave him in the first place (for the incident we shall not mention). At a Diddy party, nonetheless, he made the ill-timed decision to step out in public for the first time with a brand new, and severely insensitive, chain. The $300,000 diamond necklace, that reportedly took 218 days to make, declared “Oops!,” proving that the singer refused to wear his heart on his sleeve. Instead, it sat right beneath his chest and blinded oncoming traffic. In terms of making an apology, a shrug of the shoulders would have been just as effective. Meaning not at all.

    Chris Brown

    This the future of music, people. That and buyer’s remorse.

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