Earlier this week, it was announced that uncontrollably horny UFC fighter and resident meathead and headcase Quinton “Rampage” Jackson was to play B.A. Baracus in the upcoming A-Team movie, the role that made Mr. T famous enough to star in 1-800 COLLECT commercials and pave the way for Carrot Top to follow in his footsteps.
Unfortunately, MTV reported a couple days later that Rampage wouldn’t be Bosco (B.A. actually doesn’t stand for Bad Ass). The rap world rejoiced, as The Game and Common have been linked with the role, and we all know they’re trying to keep their blossoming movie careers going strong after career-defining performances in Belly 2 and Terminator 4, respectively.
If a rapper is being considered for any movie role for that matter, you know one of the names in the Kangol hat is Ice Cube, and probably even Ludacris as well, though the work of one Mr. Bridges tends to skew more towards drama (read: shoot-‘em-up, bang-bang).
Now, I’m not old enough (read: 40) to have seen the OG TV series, but anyone looking to emulate Mr. T has to meet certain criteria. First, a Mohawk. Second, the ability to not look like an idiot while rocking a ridiculously large gold rope. Third, fast, aggressive, unintelligible speech (jibber-jabber). And lastly, bad aim with guns.
Now, a lot of rappers over the last two years have rocked Mohawks (and looked like clowns doing so), but the most natural would be Yung LA, only because he still chooses to do so though that look should be buried by now. Now, with the gold rope deal, the only folks who did it right were Rakim and Kane, and I doubt Hollywood’s looking for anyone in the over-40 club that hasn’t been relevant for a decade.
Unintelligible speech? Shit, Gucci Mane and OJ Da Juiceman have that on lock, but reading movie scripts might be beyond their intelligence levels if Young Jeezy was right about them on “Kobe, Lebron.” When you think about, Wayne makes for a good candidate-when he’s sippin’ on that sizzurp, that is. He tends to then get his Mushmouth on, as proven on “Can’t Believe It.” And we know Wayne can’t aim a pistol if his life depended on it.
Though figuratively speaking, The Game always has a knack for shooting himself (in the foot) as well-beefs with 50 and Jay-so maybe he’s the ideal candidate, as he covers most of the bases.
And he’d look like a natural doing this: