Ever met someone that felt like they were so avant-garde and so different and so 4th wall that it were as if the heavens created them to be the voice of God? Yes, we know. Aren’t they annoying? Snobs are everywhere. They come in different shapes, sizes, colors and they come from different backgrounds. Some of them drop names, some of them dress up, some of them are all style and no substance, some of them talk too much and some of them have it all together. We were so “inspired” by them, that we dedicated this piece to them: The Most Obnoxious Snobs of All-Time. Get your haterade ready.
Do we care about who you knew back when or who you rubbed shoulders with? It’s good to hear these tall-tales in passing, but not cool to cue a whole discussion about who happens to be in your Rolodex at a given time.
You’ve seen them before: People who only wear a certain designer name brand and carry around an air that reminds us of The Devil Wears Prada or Mean Girls. This snob only kicks it with other fashionistas and never ever dresses down. The thing is, if your eye is not trained to know what Louis Vuitton or a Prada item looks like from several feet away, who would notice your sweet new threads at the next get together?
The Iconoclastic Hipster
We’re talking about the one that dresses trendy, who desires friends in the arts that resemble and even dress the part of fallen rock icons (think: Buddy Holly, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix). These people modify their vintage clothes only to look like next person, and turn cool into corporate (Hot Topic, Zumiez). Why? Because it’s cool.
This is the person we have come to know as “the verbal masturbator,” using long sentences with even larger words that make no sense at all, mostly because a particular word could be used six different times, six different ways—to the point that one must consult a dictionary. It’s insulting, mostly because the motor-mouth is notorious for butchering language, often making up words on the spot to showcase their wordplay. We all have a unique form of speech, but can these guys condense their speech? No, that would be so Paleolithic and antediluvian of them.
Did you know that guys can get pregnant? Did you know that if you put Saturn in aqua it would float? Did you know the sun loses up to a billion kilograms a second because of solar winds? Did you know we are actually moving through space at the rate of 530km a second? Did you know you are virtually paralyzed while dreaming? No. No, we didn’t. Don’t judge us… See where we’re going with this?
Veruca Salt types please stand up! These spoiled rotten, mouth-breathing, egotistically-regressed Jewish American Princess prototypes and mama’s-baby-boy paradigms are exactly what we do not like. Why do you feel like you are at the top of the proverbial pantheon? We don’t know, but get over yourself.